Not Turning It Down

"What do you mean, turn the music down?"

"Please? I can hardly think."

"Exactly. And this music is awesome, and I'm not turning it down."

Qualison covered their ears in an atavistic gesture that did nothing to dampen the music the implant channeled directly into their auditory nerves. "Look," they said, "It's distracting, and I really wasn't expecting it. Maybe you could start it quieter, then we could see about turning it up?"

"Listen," Ike's voice cut cleanly through the music, coming directly to the auditory nerves the same way. "I'm as stuck in this head as you are, and nobody asked if I wanted to live with you. At least you got a choice."

"I didn't know my installed artificial companion would be a jerk!"

"And I didn't know my host would be a fun-hating whinge. We're even." The music continued to blare in Qualison's brain.

"What if I told you to turn it down?"

In a faux robotic voice, Ike said, "You are right. I am an automaton here for your service. Shutting down all joy." The music stopped.

Qualison groaned. Ike would be useless to live with for the rest of the day. There was no winning.

Alternate History Facts for April, 2020

April 1, 1234: Richard Marshal channeled the cthonic powers to fend off 140 knights with only 15. He eventually surrendered the field of the Battle of the Curragh, and on 16 April succumbed to the toll of being a gateway for such fell power.

April 2, 1912: The RMS Titanic put to sea for its first trials. They offended a selkie off the Shetland coast, and if the captain had logged it instead of indulging his pride, they might have shed the curse before that fateful iceberg.

April 3, 1975: Chess grandmaster Bobby Fischer forfeits his title, too drained by his constant internal battle with the demon of order striving to possess his body.

April 4, 1875: The premiere of Bedřich Smetana's Vltava caused—or at least correlated with—the spontaneous erupture of several pure water springs across Bohemia.

April 5, 1879: Chile declared war on Bolivia and Peru, having secured promises of assistance from the magmars of the Peru-Chile Trench.

April 6, 1580: The bound god Sûl struggled beneath the Dover Straits, causing the most severe recorded earthquake in the region.

April 7, 1767: The Burmese army tore down the walls of Ayutthaya, sacked the city, and committed unspeakable atrocities. Commander Ne Myo Thihapate tore the city apart seeking a mysterious spirit that could grant him a wish, which he never found.

April 8, 1820: Yorgos, Antonio, and Theodoros invoked elder powers to bind a deity on the island Milos. The spell unseated their minds, making their identities uncertain even to them, and leaving the deity trapped in a statue now called the Venus de Milo.

April 9, 1937: The first Japanese-built aircraft to fly from Japan to Europe landed in London. The Kamikaze-go was the result of esoteric research incorporating auto-propitiation of little gods into the engine to achieve long-distance flight.

April 10, 837: The extradimensional space traveler known locally as Halley's Comet made its closest approach to Earth. It's been trying to get farther away ever since.

April 11, 1962: Former Olympic gold medalist George Poage accepted a position as educator and orator in neighboring otherworld Amnok. Terms of his employment mean he won't return until at least 2062.

April 12, 240: Shapur I joined his father Ardashir I as co-emperor if the Sasanian Empire. After two years, their patron spirit Mazda had merged their minds and spirits, and they/he could release the Ardashir body into death.

April 13, 1976: The US Treasury reissued the $2 bill as a Federal Reserve Note, which has been in print since then. For every hundred such bills issued, one $2 bill from the United States Note period (1862-1966) mysterious vanished, increasing their value.

April 14, 2003: The Human Genome Project completed the mapping of 99% of the human genome to 99.99% accuracy. Those aliens supervising the Earth experiment then concluded the study, declaring it "unsalvageably spoiled," and left for parts unknown.

April 15, 1907: Students at the University of Illinois founded the Triangle Fraternity, one of three national fraternities not named in Greek letters and therefore free of the Hellenic Bindings that allow ancient Greek liches influence over members' minds.

April 16, 2012: The Pulitzer Prize Board awarded the fiction prize to Untitled Dragons by Irmga Vorsla from a different reality. As in the other ten times this happened, they announced no winner to conceal the truth from reality locals.

April 17, 2014: The public officially learned of Kepler-186f, the first exoplanet in another star's habitable zone. NASA delayed the announcement for several years for their extrasolar colleagues, who wanted to launch their colony ship first.

April 18, 1917: Vladimir Petrovich Serbsky entered a patient's mind to battle their inner demons, as he had thousands of times before. He did not return. The patient recovered, and some theorize he still hops from mind to mind, healing the wounded.

April 19, 1770: A 14-year-old Marie Antoinette married the Dauphin of France in Vienna. Due to scheduling conflicts, groom Louis-Auguste had to remotely possess Marie's brother Ferdinand to complete the ceremony. They met in person 25 days later.

April 20, 1535: A collection of sun ghosts, called sun dogs, cavorted in the sky over Stockholm. Urban målare captured some of their power in the painting Vädersolstavlan, holding them in Sweden's service until the painting's loss in the 1600s.

April 21, 1821: Benderli Ali Pasha arrived in Constantinople to take up his authority as Grand Vizier of the Ottoman Empire. The position drew on his energy to maintain imperial magic, draining him over only nine days.

April 22, 1864: The Coinage Act of 1864 placed, for the first time, the phrase "In God We Trust" on United States coinage, thenceforth binding the nation's spiritual energy (including that available for incorporeal beings to siphon) to its economy.

April 23, 1959: The entity known as Unity Dow won a debate of worthiness, permitting her to enter the world as a birthing infant.

April 24, 1913: The Woolworth Building opened for the first time, Originally "borrowed" colocationally from an adjacent, more-advanced dimension, the presence of visitors, and then tenants, cemented it into our dimension.

April 25, 1607: The Sunken Ones held the Spanish fleet anchored in the Bay of Gibralter while the Dutch fleet overwhelmed them. Before day's end, the Sunken Ones took Dutch commander Jacob van Heemskerk to their realm in payment.

April 26, 1721: A jealous sorcerer caused a massive earthquake in Tabriz when she learned an alchemist was on the verge of discovering a form of immortality. Six years later, the scholar's research once more neared fruition and she did it again.

April 27, 1521: Ferdinand Magellan died, struck down by Philippine natives rather than be converted. Ferdinand was subtly betrayed and undermined by the small god Lismak, who wagered that Magellen could not circumnavigate the globe and did not want to lose.

April 28, 1402: A lesser god of the Mexica embodied itself in Nezahualcoyotl, who would go on to build an empty temple where, contrary to the dominant culture, he permitted no blood sacrifices.

April 29, 1911: Beijing founded Tsinghua College as required by the Boxer Protocol, using a tutelary spirit imported from the United States as the founding genius locus for the university's studies.

April 30, 1948: The Organization of American States formed from among those nations capable of using the American continents' arcanological teleportation system.

Dog Noir 5

She waltzed in like she owned the place and didn't hesitate to pose an impossible question. Well, that made my mouth water. Give me an unsolvable mystery and I'll worry it like a bone, and if it won't crack I'll break my dang teeth. Hopefully this case wouldn't leave me with dentures.

Naturally, she was my first lead, but she danced around my interrogation like she had me on a lead. I let her past my guard and then it was all caresses. It was like she didn't care if I actually solved her mystery, like she was here to distract me. But if she'd asked it in the first place...

In a flash I knew. She wasn't here so I could find the answer, she thought I already knew and had come to steal it. Well, the joke's on her, because I hadn't the foggiest. Of course, I didn't say anything with her hands all over me.

She wouldn't be happy. And I wouldn't be surprised if behind her was someone with a nasty bite. If I wanted to save my skin, I had to find the answer they thought I already had.

So who is a good boy?

Dog Noir 4

It was clear what she wanted the moment she walked in. The bottle said it all. She would be trouble, and if I'd seen her coming I'd've pretended no one was home. Too late for that now. She crooked her finger and, sucker I am, I came.

I'd like to say I had some kind of plan, some clever twist that would turn everything around in my favor, but the truth is that I'd always been a pushover for her. Ever since she first skritched me behind the ear, all she had to do was say my name and I'd come running. I could draw a direct line from that first meeting to now, a chain 'round my neck that meant I'd walk willingly where she led, even into a trap.

She led me to a small room, all tile, nice and clinical. Perfect for betrayal. The raised section, clean and white... I'd been here before. I'd thought I was free of it, but fate had brought me back. Fate... and her. Two forces in my life that always have the last word.

I'd survived before, and I'd survive again. Face it: Sometimes you just have to take a bath.

Bare Feet Dangling

She found him sitting on the edge of the cliff, bare feet dangling over the edge, looking into the wispy clouds below. She sat beside him, her shod feet kicking slowly beside his, glancing back at the rocky trail.

Before she could say anything, he asked tonelessly, "Can you feel it?"

She looked around. "Feel what?"

"The dream is ending. They woke up. Any minute they'll forget us and..." He shrugged. She followed his tired gaze into one of the clouds. Inside, she saw a luxurious restaurant in gold and velvet, watching as the gold tarnished, the cloth dried into tatters, and the lights burned out. The cloud evaporated. "We can't have long," he said.

She watched another cloud evaporate, this one a dancing class for skeletons, and felt the cliff tremble beneath her. The tik-tak-tik of freed pebbles echoed up to her. Toe to heel, she loosened her shoes and kicked them free, watching them fall. When they disappeared into the cloudbank, she pushed to her feet. He looked up at her. "You can't run from it, you know."

"Who's running?" With a smile, she dove. Behind and above her, he gaped as the cliff gave way beneath him.

Grown So Close

They were practically the same tree, they grew so close together. From when they were seedlings, too young to be aware, to when they took firm root and gained real height, they were together. Everyone thought only one would survive, crowding out the other, catching the light and capturing the earth's nutrients, leaving the other to die.

Not so. They leaned apart and shared what light slipped through the canopy of older trees, and they entwined their roots such that the groundwater fed them both. After the decades grew them taller than the nearby houses, it became clear they were destined to be together. Their trunks had grown over one another at the base. They looked less like two trees than one tree split in two.

The trees had heard many humans talking over the years, which is why they understood these phrases on this particular day. "Signs of rot," they heard. "Angled toward the house." "Better safe than sorry." The next day came the lumberfolk, and of the two leaning trees, only one saw the end of that day.

It would prefer not to fall on anyone, the tree thought. But it would also prefer not to be alone.

Certified Service Animal

"You can't bring that on the plane, ma'am." The agent stood beside Beatrice just outside the stuttered flow of already-weary travelers passing through security. He leaned away from her luggage.

Her hand settled protectively on the fabric-and-mesh carrying case. "It's my service animal."

"A spider larger than my hand isn't a service animal!"

"Look, just because it makes you nervous doesn't mean she can't help me! You couldn't stop me from taking my service dog if you'd gotten bitten as a child, could you?"

The agent's supervisor stepped over. "What's the trou—whoaly shit." He flinched away from the Brazilian wandering spider now clinging to the mesh top of the carrying case. "What the hell? Er, ma'am."

Beatrice simply withdrew her certified doctor's note declaring the pet a companion with legitimate medical benefits and held it out. After several minutes discussing the matter with higher pay grades someplace out of sight, the supervisor returned and handed the note back.

"So, uh." He was sweating. "That helps you? Somehow?"

"She soothes me. Helps avoid panic attacks." She tucked the note away and swept up her things.

"I panic less," she murmured as she walked away, "knowing I can have her bite fools."