Afterward, they lay in bed, holding each other close. "You know," she said, "penises are weird. They're so... alien. Like they're a little space invader—"

"Shh!" He clapped a hand over her mouth. He shifted so she could feel the warmth of his lips on her ear, and even then she could scarcely hear his whisper. "Don't say that. You don't want them to know we're onto them."

With his hand on her mouth, her what came out "Mwuh?" Her eyes said what her mouth couldn't, looking at him like he might be a dangerous kind of crazy.

"Look," he whispered, "it heard you. It's perking up and paying attention." She followed his gaze down. Surely enough, it was extending, like a telescoping radio antenna. "We're going to have to distract it." His murmur tickled her ear, and she watched it finish its extension pointing directly at them. "Do that thing it likes."

She pulled away and looked at him with disbelief. "Seriously? We just—"

"Quick, we don't have much time," he hissed. "Hurry, before it realizes our suspicions and tells the others!"

"Ohhhhhh-kay," she said. While she distracted the alien parasite, she wondered if he was crazy or brilliant.