One-Line Review: Green Room (2015), starring Anton Yelchin and Joe Cole

Green Room is a top-of-the-line modern horror movie that reminds us that the real monsters are Nazis and Patrick Stewart.

One-Line Review: Realive (2016), starring Tom Hughes

“Ours is one hell of a love story,” the main character says at the end, trying to convince itself and us that its frequent, affectless narration and muddled messages don’t make this movie very, very boring.

One-Line Review: The Final Countdown (1980), starring Kirk Douglas and Martin Sheen

This movie is military worship at its worst, a 103-minute recruiting film masquerading as science fiction where, spoilers, nothing that happened had any consequence at all.

One-Line Review: Palm Springs (2020), starring Andy Samberg and Cristin Milioti

Palm Springs is the honest, crude, compassionate, and heartfelt time loop movie we didn’t know we needed.

One-Line Review: The Recall (2017)

The only actor this film used well was Wesley Snipes (the only black body in a tediously white movie), so the best part is falling asleep during the boring first half so you miss the pointlessly shocking body horror of the second half.

One-Line Review: Gray Matter (2018), starring Alys Crocker

The script, pacing, camerawork, special effects, budget, and inspiration for this interminable, tediously prurient movie all wish they were mediocre.

One-Line Review: Captive State (2019), starring Aston Sanders and John Goodman

Captive State was better than it had to be, showing captivating details of the tradecraft used by insurgents against Chicago’s alien overlords, but casting its net wide across many small roles diluted the movie’s focus.